I lied.

I said I was good at multitasking. I said I was good at handling all the million responsibilities that seem to encroach upon you with the title of “adult.” I said I could handle work and school and writing and all the other stuff I want to cram into my life.

Yeah, about that…

See, the thing is, I pretty much suck at multitasking. There are multiple, conflicting problems starting with my attention span. It’s the equivalent of a ferret on meth. Even doing research, I get distracted from the topic I’m supposed to be looking up by some other random shiny factoid and then I fall down the wikihole. Last week is a great example. I was working on a paper for my International Relations class on the effect of globalization on China’s domestic and foreign policies, and ended up watching almost two hours worth of video on the Westboro Baptist Church. Fucked up. Worse than that, I was taking notes because of how it related back to a novel I wrote when I was a teenager and I could finally see some connections I was too young and inexperienced to daydream on my own. And then I was looking for the original document…

…so you can see how this escalates and sends my world spinning out of control.

Now multiply that times infinity, because that’s how many times I’m distracted in an average week. (Granted, it’s highly unlikely that I would lose an almost two hour block at once, but a dozen little distractions add up fast.) I don’t seem to possess the will/skill/ability to drown out the distractions around me to keep myself on track…until I do, and then I hyper-focus on one thing, sacrificing all else to complete the One Task, and everything else falls apart. There appears to be no happy medium.

Which may be why there is no happy medium right now. Not enough play time, not enough decompression time, not enough creative time, and no energy left after this manic tail-chasing (and not the fun kind) to do the little things that seem to drain my enthusiasm by staring at me from their un-done-ness. I pretty much suck at following through, too. Lost interest is an epidemic to which I am prone, and being overwhelmed is akin to a paralyzing poison.

I know I’m just rebelling, even though I know the more productive course of action is making a plan and sticking too it. I’m rebelling so hard that I’m writing this post instead of doing one of the two papers, two mid-terms, and various other things that need to be completed this week. I’m doing this instead of rebooting the laundry. I’m doing this instead of all the things I will feel guilty about in 5…4….3…2….

So, yeah, back to work.

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