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A New Year for Me

I am a little behind in life at the moment, but not without good reason. By the time you read this, I will have made and returned from a second trip to visit my mom since my dad’s unexpected death. With any luck, I will have finished and submitted my research paper for my one remaining class, and will be somewhere deep in the crunch of trying to wrap up my responsibilities for work at the end of a “short,” chaotic month. (Welcome to the magic of scheduling posts, future people.) I’m going to assume that all is going well, if somewhat frenetic because I really am that idealistic underneath the patina of cynicism.

But I digress. Back to the subject at hand.

One of the revelations I had a long time ago was that the resolutions people make for the turn of the calendar year are a bunch of bullshit. It is too socially acceptable and even expected to make a decision to change something and then fail at it by February. This discovery annoyed me, but being so idealistic (however well hidden), I still like to make an effort to change the things that bug me about me. I decided that my birthday was really the beginning of a new year for me and decided that whatever resolutions I made would be at least in the month of my birthday. Since the whole world isn’t joking about failing in a massive effort to change, these good habits are more likely to stick…at least in theory. (Note: when your birthday precedes Thanksgiving and Christmas, those dieting resolutions are all but destined to fail, so I try to keep those at bay, however tempting -and necessary- they may be.) This year, in October, I sat down and really thought about the things that bug me about me and what I wanted to change. Sadly, it was a pretty long list, but one that was honest, so I’m going to work on tackling them. The first thing off the list is PROCRASTINATION. I am so good at procrastination, I should teach a class on it. I mean, seriously, I’m fricken awesome at it. I can invent all kinds of menial distractions that get NOTHING accomplished. Seriously. Nothing.

The thing about procrastination is that it fucks up all the fun stuff too. My talent for wildly creative labors that accomplish nothing in the most time-consuming way possible just sucks all the “free” time out of my schedule. And that is super lame. Lamer than super lame, even. I don’t even know if there’s a word for that.

So, I’m going to conquer the procrastination in baby steps. My biggest challenge now is I use procrastination to avoid things I don’t want to do. It’s almost a little tantrum against my to do list, and I am too damn old to throw a temper tantrum. So, I”m working on “rewarding” myself for the un-fun tasks I accomplish by letting myself do something fun. I just finished listening to a call for work (on a Sunday) and now I’m rewarding myself with a few minutes of blogging. See how wonderful this is? The hard part is keeping up with it and staying focused. But baby steps. I will get there. My goal is to establish this as a positive habit before y’all even start drafting your lists of resolutions. I want to be at my next birthday and see that I’ve established a good habit of avoiding procrastination so I can have more fun time, more time to play as I see fit, and the only way to create that in my that in my tight schedule is to make sure I’m using my time for its intended purposes.

That being said, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME! What are you going to do to celebrate your new year?

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